OK, so I had another boy. Aren’t you glad you waited all that time? Hey, don’t complain, I had to wait nine months to be disappointed.
So in the long absence since I last wrote guess what happened. Yep, more birthdays. With more cake that we never eat. Take that starving kids in China!
And here’s Carl all grown up! Well, not ALL, but at least now he can take care of himself. I say that like it matters, and that the nursery would someday be empty.
Chase also had his birthday because he is Carl’s twin. Funny how that works.
So what else happened… Well this weird girl came over and brought pizza and then danced on the countertops in our kitchen that I don’t recognize at all. Oh wait, that was a dream I had. Never mind.
What really did happen was I got another call from THEM. This time the target was the local Scoutmaster for the Boy Scout Troop.
“The Scoutmaster? Perfect! I’ll sign up my boys for Scouting right away!”
“Wait, what? NOT COOL, MOM!”
“Chase, I have a favor to ask of you…”
“Yeah, Mom, I heard and no way. Those kids are freaks!”
“Come on, they’re not that bad. You just need to get to know them.”
“Why, so you can bring home another baby?”
“That’s enough out of you, young man. You’re doing this, and you are never to speak to me in that manner again. Go to your room!”
“Carl, I signed you up for Boy Scouts. If you have a problem with that, you can see how no TV for a month feels.”
“Scouting sounds fun, Mom.”
He didn’t sound too enthused, but at least he didn’t talk back so small victories.
“Bradley, I signed you up…”
“Not now, Mom, I’m busy.”
“OK, Mom you were saying?”
“Heh. Just in time. Whew.”
So I invited the scoutmaster, Peter Foyle, over to sign the boys up.
“Everything’s in order, Ms. Young. The uniforms will arrive in the mail in a few weeks, but the boys are free to come on the camping trip this weekend. You can come too, parents are always welcome, and we can use more chaperones.”
“I’ll be glad to come!” This might be easier than I thought.
“Hey guys, I wrote a song… here’s how it goes:
I don’t have to go camping,
I don’t have to go camping,
I don’t have to go camping,
Cause I’m not a loser boy scout
“So glad you all could make it! The other boys are practicing their skits for the campfire tonight! Your boys can go join them. They need someone to play the lunch lady and the dog.”
“You get to be the dog, Carl.”
‘Gee, thanks, Chase. Don’t forget to wear your hair net.”
Reluctantly, the boys got to know the other scouts.
“Your house is nice and all, but mine is like four times bigger. What’s it like being poor?”
“Your mom is hot. Do you make out with her?”
At least that’s what they told me they said. You know kids.
“And then the ghost kept saying ‘Who’s got my golden arm,’ and then the ghost said that one of you boys had it and grabbed him.”
He wasn’t the best story teller. Which is why one of the kids read Harry Potter instead.
Check this out while you can. This is the earliest the twins went to bed in the history of their young lives. I guess they figured the sooner they went to sleep the sooner it would be over.
Not long after, Peter Foyle turned in as well.
And then in the dark, I “accidentally” went into his tent instead of mine.
“AHH Wrong tent Ms. Young!”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see anything… Well not anything I didn’t like… how about we…”
Worst chaperone ever!
So with that mission accomplished, it was back to raising my babies. Drake learned his first words.
And then Eric (oh, yeah, that’s what I named the boy) had his first birthday.
I hope all the time Lizzy spends with the kids doesn’t make her want to have some of her own. That’s the last thing we need.
Once again, I’m pregnant. I really hope it’s a girl this time. But, for all I know, maybe some day I’ll have twenty girls.
Sebastian came over to visit, and Anthony was sad to learn his boyfriend was now a Young Adult.
“I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid you’d get in trouble.”
“That’s OK, I can still hold you.”
And as usual, Bradley gave him a hard time.
“Nice clothes, Thomas Edison. Hey have you discovered electricity yet? Welcome to the 21st Century, man. Don’t let all this technology scare you.”
So I killed two birds with one stone and potty trained and taught Eric to talk.
“Eric is filthy! Eric needs to use the potty instead of his pants. Say filthy!”
Like all my vampire children, Eric picked up his skills immediately.
“The TV is broken, mother. Please fix it so I can watch Dora the Explorer.”
“Come Spot, let’s go play chess until the TV is fixed.”
For a break I let Lizzy take care of the kids while I went clubbing. Then the elevator attacked me. No sympathy for the pregnant, I guess.
“Oh and I… I will survive… As long as I know how to love I know I will get by.. I have all my life to live and all my love to give.. I will surviiiiiiveeeee…”
“Dancing Queennnnn…. oh crap.”
I’ve never run into one of my baby daddies after the deed before…
“So, I’m pregnant. And you’re the dad. And I don’t need anything from you, so we’re good, right?”
“Sure thing, ma’am. Happens all the time. In fact all the kids in the scouts are mine. I don’t really need another mouth to feed.”
Yikes. That guy really gets around. Has he no morals?
“Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do.. Goody Good, Goody Good, Goody Goody Two Shoes…”
“Ow… I think my ankle is broken.”
“Yeah, good luck with that, I’m getting a drink.”
One drink won’t hurt. I don’t think Vampires can get drunk anyway.
“LET’SH GET IT SHTARTED! LET’SH GET IT SHTARTED IN HERE!”
“Wow, did you see Mom last night after the cabby dropped her off? I have never seen her so far gone.”
“Yeah, and I found this weird note to read: THE WRITERS OF THIS BLOG WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU SHOULD NOT DRINK WHILE PREGNANT, EVEN IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“No idea, man.”
Not only did I wake up with the worst hangover ever but…
I’m giving birth again! Still hurts! So much…
And this time I had a… tune in in 2012!
No, just kidding. I’ll tell you when George R. R. Martin publishes his next Song of Ice and Fire book. So, Good bye forever!
No, I’m not that mean. I’ll tell you Fiona’s gender next time, which will be soon I promise.