Chapter Seven: It’s a BOY Scout Camping Trip

OK, so I had another boy.  Aren’t you glad you waited all that time? Hey, don’t complain, I had to wait nine months to be disappointed.

So in the long absence since I last wrote guess what happened. Yep, more birthdays. With more cake that we never eat. Take that starving kids in China!

And here’s Carl all grown up! Well, not ALL, but at least now he can take care of himself.  I say that like it matters, and that the nursery would someday be empty.

Chase also had his birthday because he is Carl’s twin. Funny how that works.

So what else happened… Well this weird girl came over and brought pizza and then danced on the countertops in our kitchen that I don’t recognize at all.  Oh wait, that was a dream I had. Never mind.

What really did happen was I got another call from THEM.  This time the target was the local Scoutmaster for the Boy Scout Troop.

“The Scoutmaster? Perfect! I’ll sign up my boys for Scouting right away!”

“Wait, what? NOT COOL, MOM!”

“Chase, I have a favor to ask of you…”

“Yeah, Mom, I heard and no way. Those kids are freaks!”

“Come on, they’re not that bad. You just need to get to know them.”

“Why, so you can bring home another baby?”

“That’s enough out of you, young man. You’re doing this, and you are never to speak to me in that manner again. Go to your room!”

“Carl, I signed you up for Boy Scouts. If you have a problem with that, you can see how no TV for a month feels.”

“Scouting sounds fun, Mom.”

He didn’t sound too enthused, but at least he didn’t talk back so small victories.

“Bradley, I signed you up…”

“Not now, Mom, I’m busy.”

“OK, Mom you were saying?”

“Never mind…”

“Heh. Just in time. Whew.”

So I invited the scoutmaster, Peter Foyle, over to sign the boys up.

“Everything’s in order, Ms. Young. The uniforms will arrive in the mail in a few weeks, but the boys are free to come on the camping trip this weekend. You can come too, parents are always welcome, and we can use more chaperones.”

“I’ll be glad to come!” This might be easier than I thought.

“Hey guys, I wrote a song… here’s how it goes:

I don’t have to go camping,

I don’t have to go camping,

I don’t have to go camping,

Cause I’m not a loser boy scout

“So glad you all could make it! The other boys are practicing their skits for the campfire tonight! Your boys can go join them. They need someone to play the lunch lady and the dog.”

“You get to be the dog, Carl.”

‘Gee, thanks, Chase. Don’t forget to wear your hair net.”

Reluctantly, the boys got to know the other scouts.

“Your house is nice and all, but mine is like four times bigger. What’s it like being poor?”

“Your mom is hot. Do you make out with her?”

At least that’s what they told me they said. You know kids.

“And then the ghost kept saying ‘Who’s got my golden arm,’ and then the ghost said that one of you boys had it and grabbed him.”

He wasn’t the best story teller. Which is why one of the kids read Harry Potter instead.

Check this out while you can. This is the earliest the twins went to bed in the history of their young lives. I guess they figured the sooner they went to sleep the sooner it would be over.

Not long after, Peter Foyle turned in as well.

And then in the dark, I “accidentally” went into his tent instead of mine.

“AHH Wrong tent Ms. Young!”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t see anything… Well not anything I didn’t like… how about we…”

Worst chaperone ever!

So with that mission accomplished, it was back to raising my babies. Drake learned his first words.

And then Eric (oh, yeah, that’s what I named the boy) had his first birthday.

I hope all the time Lizzy spends with the kids doesn’t make her want to have some of her own. That’s the last thing we need.

Once again, I’m pregnant. I really hope it’s a girl this time. But, for all I know, maybe some day I’ll have twenty girls.

Sebastian came over to visit, and Anthony was sad to learn his boyfriend was now a Young Adult.

“I want to kiss you, but I’m afraid you’d get in trouble.”

“That’s OK, I can still hold you.”

And as usual, Bradley gave him a hard time.

“Nice clothes, Thomas Edison. Hey have you discovered electricity yet? Welcome to the 21st Century, man. Don’t let all this technology scare you.”

So I killed two birds with one stone and potty trained and taught Eric to talk.

“Eric is filthy! Eric needs to use the potty instead of his pants. Say filthy!”

Like all my vampire children, Eric picked up his skills immediately.

“The TV is broken, mother. Please fix it so I can watch Dora the Explorer.”

“Come Spot, let’s go play chess until the TV is fixed.”

For a break I let Lizzy take care of the kids while I went clubbing. Then the elevator attacked me. No sympathy for the pregnant, I guess.

“Oh and I… I will survive… As long as I know how to love I know I will get by.. I have all my life to live and all my love to give.. I will surviiiiiiveeeee…”

“Dancing Queennnnn…. oh crap.”

I’ve never run into one of my baby daddies after the deed before…

“So, I’m pregnant. And you’re the dad. And I don’t need anything from you, so we’re good, right?”

“Sure thing, ma’am. Happens all the time. In fact all the kids in the scouts are mine. I don’t really need another mouth to feed.”

Yikes. That guy really gets around. Has he no morals?

“Don’t drink, don’t smoke, what do you do.. Goody Good, Goody Good, Goody Goody Two Shoes…”

“Ow… I think my ankle is broken.”

“Yeah, good luck with that, I’m getting a drink.”

One drink won’t hurt. I don’t think Vampires can get drunk anyway.

“LET’SH GET IT SHTARTED! LET’SH GET IT SHTARTED IN HERE!”

“Wow, did you see Mom last night after the cabby dropped her off? I have never seen her so far gone.”

“Yeah, and I found this weird note to read: THE WRITERS OF THIS BLOG WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT YOU SHOULD NOT DRINK WHILE PREGNANT, EVEN IF YOU ARE A VAMPIRE.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“No idea, man.”

Not only did I wake up with the worst hangover ever but…

I’m giving birth again! Still hurts! So much…

And this time I had a… tune in in 2012!

No, just kidding. I’ll tell you when George R. R. Martin publishes his next Song of Ice and Fire book. So, Good bye forever!

No, I’m not that mean. I’ll tell you Fiona’s gender next time, which will be soon I promise.

Chapter Six: Viva Viagra!

So here I was pregnant again, and my hands were already full with four kids, and two of them were screaming toddlers!

But now I have Lizzie here to help me, so each day is less of a chore.

Also, Anthony was growing up into a teenager, and I hoped he wouldn’t mind baby sitting sometimes. He was already very mature for his age.

They grow up so fast… but I guess that will change soon.  Already people think I’m his sister.

It wasn’t long before that old familiar pain hit me. Here we go again.

It was old hat to me, but Lizzie didn’t take it as well.

“You’re having it now? What do I do? Boil water or something?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.”

“OK then, I’ll just finish up the cleaning.”

And just like all the other times, I gave birth to a little vampire boy. Again. The pink baby dress will just sit in the closet for a while longer.

Welcome to the family, Drake.

“My back hurts. Did I just eat a hot pocket?”

“God, I ache ALL OVER. This day has been SO EXHAUSTING. Night, Becca, I’m going to bed.”

“Thanks for cleaning the toilet, Lizzie. I can put all three babies to bed myself, I mean, I only gave birth.”

Anyway, time to get back to work. They told me I could find my next mark at the bar all the old folks hung out at.

As Jeffrey Cook regaled me with tales of his days serving in Korea during the war, I tried my hardest to sound interested and excited to be with him. My God, I’m dating Walter Matthau.

At least he was a lot easier to seduce than Barry. I think he was just amazed a young woman was even interested in him.

“You’re as pretty as Rita Hayworth.”

“Um, thanks. Who?”

“Greta Garbo?”

“Huh?”

“A 1933 Chrysler!”

“OK. So, do you want to go back to my place?”

“Eh? I don’t hear so good out of that ear.”

“DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO MY PLACE?”

“OH BOY! THAT WOULD BE SWELL! LET ME JUST TAKE MY LITTLE BLUE PILL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.”

I did know what he meant, and so did the entire bar.

And so we got out of there as quickly as possible. Which, thanks to his arthritis, wasn’t fast enough.

“Thanks for driving, sweetheart. They took my license after I ran over those buskers outside the subway.”

“Watch your step, wouldn’t want you to break your hip.”

“Oh, I love dip! What kind? French onion, or that fancy seven layer?”

“So… you been retired long?”

“Is that dip coming?”

I think he’s the dip. Oh well, time to take the plunge.

So thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, we got down to business. I’ll spare you the details.

And now it’s time for: THINGS YOU CAN’T UNSEE.

“That was real fun, and if you need to reach me just call that number I gave you.”

“You got a pen I can write that down?”

“Nope, sorry, I guess you’ll have to remember it.”

“OK, fine. Now where’s your front door again?"

After I reminded him to put his clothes back on before going out, and helping him into the taxi, I was pretty confident I’d never see Jeffrey again.

The custom guitar I ordered Anthony for his birthday finally came, and he was so happy to get it.

And within moments of picking it up, he was sounding like a professional.

“Mommy, why do you like babies so much when all they do is keep us from sleeping?”

“You used to be a baby and cry all the time too, and now you’re an awesome kid. Someday you’ll have awesome kids to play with.”

“How many will I have?”

I wish I knew the answer to that.

Anthony was finally making friends at school. It was so hard for him because all the other kids could tell he was different. But Sebastian liked Anthony for those differences.

It was obvious to me from the start how much Sebastian liked Anthony, but Anthony seemed a bit clueless.

One day, Sebastian worked up the courage to tell Anthony his true feelings.

I was happy to see Anthony with someone, at least someone in this family can have a stable relationship.

They looked so cute together.

“Hello, child in the room! Keep it PG please!”

The two agreed to make their relationship public. And to celebrate, I decided to let Sebastian to be the first non family member to spend the night since who knows when.

OK, so I made the kid sleep in a tent in the middle of winter. Am I being too cautious?

Lizzie was excited to find out that the latest experiment took. I know it was partly because of the hope of a cure, but I think she loved having all the babies around too.

Although Anthony was spending all his time with Sebastian, he still made an effort to include Bradley.

Though I have no idea how they were able to play video game football with three people.

Sebastian was getting a bit frustrated though, because the other two boys were just so good at the game.

So he ran outside to cool off.

Bradley went out to see if Sebastian was OK.

“Did you just pee on our lawn?”

“No.. there was a dog here but I chased it away.”

"Jeez, it smells like piss in here.”

“Um, that dog must have pissed on my clothes.”

“How about you use our shower while I wash them.”

Like us vampires can’t tell the difference between dog and human pee.

And here’s another obligatory cake shot! I don’t know why I keep buying them, we never eat them.

And here’s Drake!

And here’s Drake pooping!

In case you forgot about the twins, Carl and Chase, here’s proof I still have them.

Here we go again!

I  guess Lizzie thinks I’ve got this under control. Anyway, care to guess the gender? Will I finally get that girl I’ve been so longing for? Or will it be another vampire boy? Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.

Chapter Five: Becca Dates a Dummy

My sister was back! I was so glad to see her that I didn’t even mind that she was a vampire. Not at first, anyway.

“I can’t believe it’s you! I never thought I’d see you again! I missed you so much!”

“You look awful, how have they been treating you? And… they turned you…it’s all my fault.”

“Becca, I love you so much. I’d never blame you. But can we please get inside out of this awful sun?”

Lizzie explained to me Mr. V. and his cohorts sent her as an incentive for me to continue to help “Their Cause.” They have a cure for vampirism, and if I do what they say, they’ll turn us back.

“Don’t worry, Lizzie, we’ll get you changed back, I promise.”   Suddenly, Chase began to cry from the nursery.

“Oh, your babies! They told me you just had twins. I’d love to see them.”

“This one is Carl, and you’re holding Chase.”

“They’re so adorable! Where’s Anthony?”

“Anthony, I’ve been wanting to meet you since before you were born. I’m so glad to finally be here.”

“Uh huh. Do you play chess?”

“Um, not very well.”

“That’s OK, no one I play does.”

“Lizzie, I’ve got you some new clothes and I’m drawing you a bath. We’ll get you cleaned up in a jiffy.”

“Mm hmm…” God, I haven’t eaten in so long…

Lizzie waited until the maid went into the bathroom to put up some fresh towels, and followed her inside.

“Relax. This will only take a minute.”

This is so wrong… but I can’t help it…I’m soooo hungry.

“When you wake up, you will remember none of this. Those bite marks are just a scratch—“

“Lizzie, I think these will fit you—What the hell are you doing?”

“You were FEEDING from Delicia! How could you!”

“Becs, I’m so sorry, I just can’t control myself when I get this hungry…”

“Just take your bath, we’ll talk about it later.”

I can’t believe I did that… I was hoping things would be different once I was home. I need that cure before I kill someone.

“I’m sorry again, Becca. Let’s go sit down and talk. I have something important to tell you.”

“I know I told you Mr. V. says he has a cure, but I know that’s a lie.”

“No cure?? There’s no way in hell I’m going to help him then. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”

“No, you have to help. I know one of them who’s trying to develop a cure. I can’t tell you who, but she wants to help us. And she needs the genetic information from your children to complete her research. I can’t live like this, Rebecca. All they fed me was human blood, it’s harder for me to resist than you, since you’ve never had a taste. You have to pretend to go along with their plan.”

“OK, I guess I’ll keep having babies then. But you can’t leave the house. I can’t risk you hurting anyone. I’ll fire the maid, and you’ll have to help me take care of the kids and the house.”

“I’ll be glad to help. I just hope it doesn’t take too long to find a cure.”

Mr. V. called that night.

“I hope our gift was sufficient. You know who your target is, so complete the assignment.”

This time, I gave him no resistance.

Lizzie was glad to finally sleep in her own bed again.

She was so glad to get out of her prison, that household chores were even fun to her.

Well, not all of them.

With Lizzie taking care of things at home, I was able to pay Barry another visit.

“Hey, reporter lady! You wanna hear more stories about the club?”

“Um, no thanks Barry, I’m not here for business…”

“Oh, you wanna go to the bedroom then?”

Smooth, Barry. Smooth.

“That would be nice. Hey, is that your roommate? I hope I’m not intruding… I don’t want to keep her if she has better things to do.”

“So, Barry now that we’re alone, what do you think we should do?”

“We could watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I really like that Charlie guy. He’s so smart.”

“I was thinking of something else.”

“Oh, I don’t know what else is on. And I can’t remember where I put my remote anyway… Maybe I left it in the freezer again?”

Is this guy for real? Guess I’ll have to make the first move.

"How about you scootch over closer…”

“OH! I just sat on the remote! It was between us the whole time!”

He better get the hint now. Even Barry can’t be this dumb.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom.”

“Oh yeah, I was TAPING It’s Always Sunny cause I have to work tonight! See you later! We can watch it when I get back!”

Really?

So when Barry got off work, (and after he finished watching his show) he agreed to meet me at the Aquarius.

“I know something fun we can do on the elevator…”

“Me too!” And then he pressed the button for every floor. Dummy didn’t even know you’re supposed to do that just as you leave.

Suggesting we try out the hot tub resulted in even more disastrous results. Even though skinny dipping was ideal for baby making, he then broke the hot tub before I could even join him. So we called it a night.

The next day I invited him to a “sleepover.” At which point he asked me if I had a cool tent. I sighed, and dug out our old family camping equipment and hastily threw it up in the yard. Now I had other bloodsuckers to worry about. I hate camping.

Barry was finally raring and willing to go.

I don’t think my back will ever stop hurting, but at least MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Man, I hope the next target is a Jeopardy contestant.

“Hey, maybe next time we can build a blanket fort!”

“I’ll call you.”

“So did it go well?”

“Some of it was fun, but who knew it would be so hard to seduce someone so stupid?”

For the first time ever, Lizzie was there to celebrate one of my son’s birthdays. Since they were all born in the same week, I threw a joint party for Bradley and the twins.  I was so excited to have Lizzie home, I baked three entire cakes.

Isn’t he handsome?

Carl was growing up so fast. At least I’ll have another one soon.

Chase looks a lot like Anthony did at his age, although they have different daddies.

Finally Bradley was able to join his big brother Anthony at school.

Lizzie was a great help in toddler training, even though her experiences were not necessarily good influences on a little one.

“F is for FIRE!”

“F is for Fine art.”

A pregnancy test soon confirmed what I suspected. More “genetic information” was on the way.

Chapter Four: A New Hope

My poor Ned. He’s so brave though, he’s been taking his sudden entry into senior citizen territory rather well. Even though we still haven’t gotten any Social Security paychecks. Soon after Ned turned into Mr. Burns I got a phone call from Mr. V.  They cursed my husband! If turning him into an old man was not enough, they threatened to do worse if I didn’t seduce the next target soon.

The thought of cheating on Ned made me sick.

But that morning it wasn’t Mr. V’s phone call making me ill.

Or maybe it was, how can I know for sure? If my suspicions were true, I wouldn’t be able to carry out my orders.

But maybe, if I timed it just right, they’d think the baby WAS the target’s after all.

I’d seen Barry Tenderlove around town. How could I not? The man is in every single bar, club, or lounge I’ve ever gone to. Of course, now that I needed to find him, Mr. Life-of-the-Party has become Mr. Shut-In.

Oh well, if the target won’t come to the vamp, the vamp will go to the target!

“Hi, I’m a writer for Bridgeport Scene Magazine, and we’re doing an article on the Aquarius. I heard that you and your roommate Ace were frequent customers, so I’d like to ask you about your thoughts on the place.”  God, there’s no way in the world he’d buy this.

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) he bought it hook, line and sinker. I could tell right away, he was not only not the sharpest knife in the drawer, he was the spoon. He blathered about the bar for the next two hours.

His roommate Ace was the exact opposite. He didn’t say one word the whole time I was there, and just walked around practically naked. I felt I’d been there long enough to trick Mr. V. into thinking I had gotten what I came for, so I left.

I was glad to be back home with my kids. Anthony had become my own Little Man Tate, after spending only one evening with his chess board, he had pretty much mastered the game.

He was soon devouring all my dad’s books, even though they were well above a kid his age’s reading level.

I was sure he would be able to get good grades in school, but I was a little concerned how he’d fit in socially. Maybe pink shoes were in this year?

Bradley wasn’t as smart as his big brother yet, but I could tell he was already miles ahead of Barry Tenderlove.

Although Ned was holding up OK considering his condition, he was afraid to leave the house because of what people would think. So he kept himself busy with household chores.

And when he finished those chores, he found other excuses to keep himself busy. His former life as a repairman taught him some handy tricks in upgrading appliances.

Soon, I  was certain enough I was pregnant that I decided to share the happy? news with Ned.

“Hoo hoo hoo! Baby want a banana?” OK, Ned didn’t really say that, but for a moment there I was hoping our child didn’t inherit those crazy monkey lips.

He was so happy with the news, I didn’t have the heart to share my fears about deceiving Mr. V who the true father was.

I really wish he wouldn’t mess around with that gross trash compactor when I’m having my morning sickness.

Watching my son have his aunt’s natural talent for art made me miss Lizzie even more.

Even though this was my third time, it wasn’t getting any easier or less painful.

“We need to get you to a hospital!”

“No, I want to have it here!”

“Are you crazy?”

“I don’t have time to explain now!”

As I held Carl in my arms, I realized I still had more work to do.

After much screaming and calling Ned names I later regretted, I was able to put Carl and Chase in their new cribs.

So here’s my perfect little family. Dad who looks three times older than he really is, vampire mom,  and our four vampire children.

Not long after the twins were born, Ned started to feel ill.

I wish he had told me about how he was feeling, but I guess there wasn’t much I could do.

It wasn’t like Ned was even sick for very long. I’ll never forget the last time he went out to get the mail.

He had told me where he was going, so I went out to see what was taking so long, and that’s where I found him.

I guess Mr. V. wasn’t fooled at all by my charade. And once again, my sweet Ned paid the price.

And my poor Anthony had lost the only father he had ever known.

Of course, before Ned’s body was even cold, Mr. V. on the phone to gloat.

“You see now what happens when you screw with us.  We can do much, much worse. So you better give us the RIGHT baby, and never pull a stunt like this again.”

“Much worse? Up yours, you piece of shit! Just go ahead and kill me, I don’t give a damn any more. I have four kids to raise all by myself, and you took the only support I had!”

”Support, eh? Don’t worry, we’ll take care of that, and you can go back to being our good little girl.”

I spent the time after my loss consoling myself in my children.

I didn’t care about Mr. V.’s threats. I wasn’t going to just blindly follow his orders and ignore my kids.

Anthony was great at making me feel better, although I could tell Ned’s death was tearing him apart inside.

It wasn’t long until I found out what Mr. V. meant by providing us support.

She was filthy, barefooted, older, and obviously a vampire, but I would recognize my poor Lizardbreath anywhere.

Chapter Three: Boy Meets Vampiress

The next morning started out like the day of every normal single mom of two vampire babies.

But then I was surprised by the doorbell. Who could it be, now?

“Oh, Ned, you came back!”

“I was worried about you. I didn’t sleep at all last night, I had to make sure you were OK.”

“Like I said yesterday, I’m fine.”

“So you just normally spend your time clutching your stomach? C’mon, you called me to fix your TV, and then you wouldn’t let me get through your door.”

“Well I tried unplugging the cable then plugging it back in and for once it worked. Besides, I paid you didn’t I?”

“We both know it’s not the money I care about.”

Maybe I should explain. Ned Mason isn’t just the repairman. In fact, I didn’t even know he was a repairman, or what he was up to these days. I hadn’t seen him since that day in Junior High when his family moved to Riverview. Ned was my best friend growing up, and we eventually became more. He was the first boy I ever kissed, and until the day he moved I was convinced he would be the only boy I’d ever kiss.

I finally confessed to him that I was now the mother of two kids, and in fact, the second one was being born as I was counting out the 50 simoleons to pay him.

“You were having a baby??? Why didn’t you let me drive you to the hospital?”

Why indeed? What could I say to him? I was afraid the vampires would get my baby? I could tell him I have no health insurance. And yet, I have three cars. Yeah, he’ll buy that one.

“I didn’t want to leave Anthony home alone.”

“I would have brought him too.”

“Well I guess I just wasn’t thinking straight. You push a baby out and we’ll test your decision making skills and see how they match up.”

That seemed to shut him up.

“Oh, um… so how are your parents?”

I guess this has gone from awkward to OH SHIT.

At least explaining that one got me a hug. I felt like a teenager again. Well, I mean, a younger teenager.  Once again, I found myself dreaming about growing old together with him. I guess that can’t happen now, but it’s nice to dream.

“So this is the nursery? It looks like my old guest room. In fact, there’s my old soccer poster.”

“Well, with my parents’ death, and the babies, I just haven’t gotten around to redecorating. It’s a wonder I found a crib.”

“I know! I could help out. I’ll even install some state-of-the-art baby monitors for you.”

I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of him now. But do I want to?

I know I said I didn’t want to get him involved, but I just couldn’t do this alone anymore. In the short time it took him to set up Bradley’s fancy shmancy sound system, I felt we were as close as we ever were before. Maybe even closer.

I broke down and told him Lizzie had been kidnapped, and fell into his welcoming arms.

I felt better getting it off my chest, and as time passed, I saw more and more of Ned. And Ned saw more and more of my big screen TV. I was so happy having him around that I didn’t mind the amount of TV he watched, I just wish he’d find more enjoyable programming.

“Do we have to watch Monsters Inside Me? Botflies give me nightmares.”

“Hey, I’m starving, and your fridge is practically empty. What do you people eat, anyway?”

OK, so I didn’t explain everything to him. I really wanted to, but what if he ran away screaming?

“Ned, there’s one more important thing I should tell you, but I don’t know how you’ll take it…”  Wait, or did I?

OK, so maybe it wasn’t the most ethical thing to do, but I just had to know. I scanned his thoughts.

I found that he had been suspicious for some time, having noticed not only my practically anorexic diet, but also that Anthony’s teeth weren’t normal for a toddler. Not to mention how odd all of our eyes looked. Most surprisingly he was more upset I didn’t tell him than about what I was.

Still, when I told him, he was a bit shocked when the word “Vampire” actually left my lips.

But yay, I got another hug.

With all my secrets out in the open, things quickly settled back to normal. Except instead of spending all his time watching gross science programs, I noticed Ned was watching quite a few romantic comedies.

Then one day, it finally happened. I was the happiest I’d been since my sister was taken. Lizzie. I was so happy with Ned, I almost had forgotten her plight. But it had been so long since I had heard from Mr. V, it made it easier to push it out of my mind. But at the same time, when I did think of Lizzie, I was more worried about her than ever.

In fact it had been so long since that last call, that Bradley was now having a birthday. Ned got a cake, and I hope he has a big appetite, since he’ll be the only one eating it.

His red hair reminded me so much of my Dad. I wish he was here to see his grandchildren. Though if he was here, would he have grandchildren?

It was time to teach Bradley the essential skills of toddlerhood. At least this time I had some help.

That is, if Ned remembered he was supposed to be helping.

It was soon apparent I would also have to worry about Bradley persuading me to do anything he wanted. I had the two most adorable vampire toddlers ever.

Not long after Bradley’s birthday, I was awoken by a phone call.

It took me a moment to recognize that dreadful voice.

“Ms. Young, you have been seeing a lot of a certain young man. If you value your sister’s life, you will end this relationship.”

Before I could reply, he disconnected. I was so frustrated. I couldn’t reach Mr. V., when he finally contacts me, he wants me to cut ties with the only person I can confide in? I can’t imagine how I could have raised two kids this last year without him? How do I even know Lizzie is still alive? Can I even take that chance?

Anthony’s birthday was coming up, so I decided I would make the decision then, so Anthony would have his Uncle Ned at his party. Until then I was going to make the most of it.

So we played video games. OK, we might have done more than that, but I’m not telling.

Then the day I was dreading arrived.

Ned looked so happy, I didn’t know how I was going to tell him. Yes, I decided not to risk Lizzie’s life, even for the man of my dreams.

My little man was growing up so fast. Although he was about to lose his Uncle Ned, I hoped that would help bring back his Aunt Lizzie.

Ned even got him this fancy chess table that Anthony had been begging me for for months. As if dumping Ned wasn’t going to be hard enough.

I swallowed hard, and then got ready to break the bad news to Ned.

“Ned, can I see you in the kitchen?”

“Sure, I have something I need to talk to you about as well.”

I was curious what he wanted to talk about, and since I didn’t really want to say what I was going to say, I let him go first.

Which I probably shouldn’t have done. Because as soon as I saw that ring, I only had one thing to tell him.

“YES!”

When I finally regained my senses and realized what I had done, I told Ned about Mr. V’s ultimatum.  But I also told him I was willing to do anything to be his wife.

Ned then came up with the idea of getting married in secret, right there in the kitchen. You know, just like every girl dreams of.

I was ready for my Happily Ever After as the new Mrs. Rebecca Mason. But deep down I was worried what the repercussions would be if Mr. V. were to find out.

Later that night, as I was teaching Bradley his first words, I heard a gasp from the other side of the room.

Ned had aged decades in the span of minutes.

Chapter Two: Wherefore Art Thou, Romeo?

My sweet Anthony.  He doesn’t know what a terrible awful world I’ve brought him into.  I hope he doesn’t find out anytime soon.  I also hope he doesn’t have to grow up without his Aunt Lizzie. Dammit, I better stop thinking that way, Lizzie is fine. She’ll be back soon. I’ll have to keep up my spirits if I’m going to be able to do what They’ve asked me to do.

They told me I could find him at the library. No way I was leaving Anthony home alone, or even worse with some strange random kid. For all I know she could be one of Them too. Luckily the library had a nursery. I just hope a room away isn’t too far.

They were right, he was here. I guess you’re wondering who he is and why They care. Well, that’s two of us. All I know is I have to have his baby. Hey, Their idea, not mine.

“Hi, I’m Becca.”

“Hello, I’m Romeo.” Yeah, I know, They told me.

As we began to get to know each other, I realized my new abilities included mind reading. And Mr. Rake seemed to have other things on his mind than the conversation.  And it seemed like it was going to be easy to steer the conversation towards something more intimate, if those thoughts were any indication.

“So, you’re a triple agent, that’s pretty hot.”  I’m guessing he doesn’t go around telling everyone that or he wouldn’t still be alive. But my new seductive powers have him eating out of the palm of my hand. Stop it, Becca. You’re doing this for Lizzie. It’s not supposed to be fun.

But damn, didn’t it feel good.

“So Becca, how about we go in the men’s room and have some fun?”

Holy crap, I better tone it down a notch.

“That’s sweet hon, and as much as I love the smell of urinal cakes, how about we just go back to your place instead.”

“Sure thing, hot stuff.”

“But first, let me go get my baby.”

“Wait, what baby?? Um, maybe we should do this another ti.…. sure, let’s go!”

These powers are awesome.

On our way up to his penthouse, I decided I was going to make this assignment fun after all.

We left Anthony on the floor of his apartment  (Hey, he didn’t have a crib and I was afraid he’d fall off the couch. Don’t judge me until you become a single vampire mom with a kidnapped sister forced to have sex with random men.) and headed for the elevator.

“How about we get you out of those clothes?”

I don’t know how you can make sure you’ll conceive, but I think the hours we spent in that elevator gives me a pretty good chance.

I was feeling pretty good after my conquest. Unlike the poor residents who had to use the stairs to climb 40 floors… oh well, maybe the building needs to install a second elevator.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this good. I even put Anthony down and did a little strut. At times like this it’s hard to stay focused on why I’m doing this. My emotions seem to be heightened in proportion to my other senses.

I guess my morning sickness is heightened too. I wouldn’t know though, I never was pregnant as a human.

At least my heightened speed makes sure I find a toilet in time.

Heightened projectile vomiting!  OK, I know that’s a bit much, but I’m moody. SHARE MY PAIN!

I let them know about the pregnancy and demanded my sister back. No dice. They want to make sure I carry the baby to term, I guess.

I was really bummed about Lizzie, so I just had to get out of the house. OK, so maybe’ it’s not the best place in the world to take a baby, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.

But don’t worry, I talked the Bouncer into taking care of Anthony. I know most parents would call a baby sitter instead, but I felt I could trust this lady as long as I was near enough to use my powers.

“I was about to go on break anyway. This seems like a good way to spend my time. I really love babies.”

I feel really bad messing with people’s minds and I hope this doesn’t mess her up permanently like that bar lady on True Blood. Well, OK, maybe I enjoy it a little.

It was then I realized I didn’t have any cash on me. Oh well, let’s see if I can get a drink anyway.

“You’re in luck, Ma’am. It’s free drinks for women in red tops night.”

“Oh, really? Lucky I wore my red top, like I do every day!” What, you’d abuse the powers if you had them too.

By the time Anthony’s birthday came around, I  could only fit in my maternity clothes. I wish vampire powers included not getting fat like a cow.

I guess some people would say my little angel was creepy, but I find him totally adorable!

Here we are, our little vampire family. I hope he won’t be able to use his powers on me, I find him hard to resist already.

I guess that book my mom got me when I was Anthony’s age is true. Everybody Poops. Even vampires. And I was NOT going to spend the next few years changing diapers.

Anthony learned to walk rather quickly. Not having had a human baby for comparison, I wasn’t sure if this was a vampire power.

Sometimes while watching Anthony play, I had concerns that he might have a violent side. I really hope I can raise him not to be a monster like his father.

It wasn’t long before Anthony learned to talk. It was refreshing to have a conversation with another person, even if it was just “Dumstick!”

Although Anthony was a surprise, and I was forced to have his sibling, I was enjoying being a mom and looking forward to the next child.

Just look at him. How could I not enjoy this job?

I never forgot the rest of my family though. When Lizzie’s absence got to be too much for me, I went into her room and used her easel. My vampire abilities were still no match for her natural talent, however.

And then the most horrible thing happened. THE TV BROKE! I always thought that was the scariest part of Poltergeist, them not having a TV. I wasn’t going to find out if vampires had special “resist electrocution” powers, so I called the experts.

When the repairman showed up, I took forever to answer the door because that was when my baby decided he was ready to enter the world. Almost as shocking as the labor pains I was having was the fact that I knew the man now standing on my porch freaking out. I didn’t want to get him involved with my vampire mess.

I finally convinced him to leave and ran indoors. I hope he doesn’t remember who I am. But there’s no time to worry about that now, the baby’s coming.

And that was how Subject B, as Mr. V so cruelly called him, entered the world. However, to me he was Bradley. I was not going to let them control that aspect of my life as well.

“The baby’s born. Can I have my sister now?”

“What is it?”

“It’s a boy. Now where’s my sister?”

“I don’t care about that, IS IT HUMAN OR VAMPIRE?”

“It’s a vampire. Happy now?”

“No. More testing is needed. Await further orders for your next assignment.” –click-

What the hell?

Chapter One: A Birthday I’ll Never Forget

Meet the Youngs.

Liam, Ruth, Elizabeth, and Rebecca.  Or as I called them, Dad, Mom, Lizardbreath, and me, Becca.  We were the typical Bridgeport family.

We had the typical two story house, with the typical (for the Hollywoodesque suburbs of Bridgeport anyway) three car garage.

My Dad, Liam, was a very important scientist. He was well known in his field of Cryptozoology, I think he calls it. I have no idea what that means.

Because my dad made so much money, my mom, Ruth, didn’t have to work and could do whatever she wanted. However, she decided to take care of us anyway. I think she worked harder at that than most people do at a full time job.

My sister Elizabeth was a bit younger than me, but sometimes I really couldn’t tell the difference. She was usually busier than I am, and had more talent with a brush than I could hope to have even if I had a hundred years to learn. Not that at the time I even dreamed I’d ever get that chance.

And then there’s me, Rebecca. What do I do? I go to school. I make friends, I get along with everyone, and everyone knows who I am. But now to look back on it, I should have been focusing on the people who really meant the most to me.

The day that everything changed was a rare occasion where I was actually with those people, instead of the dozens of friends I had in school.  My dad had asked for the day off weeks in advance, and was ready to go anywhere I wanted to.  It was my 18th birthday.

And I knew just where I wanted to go. They had just opened a new park called Butterfly Paradise. I know it sounds lame, but I really love Butterflies and the way the light reflects off their wings. My dad called it Iridescence.

Iridescence. Dad sure liked to use big words, and he always had his nose in a book. Even that day on my birthday. I guess some girls would have gotten mad, but after 18 years I would have been more upset if he wasn’t reading.

Of course, the most popular girl in school couldn’t have a party with just her lame old family, so I talked my dad into letting me invite my best friends, Amy (seen here) and Rose Smith.

Of all my friends, Dad liked the Smith Twins the best, probably because he had something in common with Rose.  They were both such party animals.

Well, I’m growing up, so we better get this party started.

I used my birthday wish to wish for a new boyfriend, and now I wish I had used it to wish my family happiness forever. Well, not forever, just a normal life span.

As everyone knows, on your 18th birthday you magically get new clothes and hair. Well mine were just awful. I think the birthday fairy messed up my order with a toddler to child birthday party going on nearby. Really, panda t-shirt and a pageboy haircut?

Even though my dad spent almost all his time reading, he still was pretty observational. It didn’t take him long to realize I wasn’t happy with my aging up result, so he offered me a free trip to Barney’s!

My sister had been invited to a sleepover at the Smiths with their little sister Donna, but now she was having second thoughts. “I thought I heard thunder, and I really hate thunderstorms. Maybe we can have it another night and I’ll just be at home hiding under my blankets.”

Of course, the instant the Smiths’ SUV pulled away from Butterfly Paradise, Lizardbreath changed her mind again.  And that’s how I found myself dropping her off at the Smiths’ on the way to Barneys.

Barney’s was way more awesome than the idiot birthday fairy! I couldn’t wait to see what kind of hot stud I was going to reel in with my new smokin’ look.

I rushed home to show my parents my new outfit, and that’s all I remember until..

The next thing I knew there was a police officer rousing me from my parents’ bedroom floor. He kept asking me if I saw what happened, and didn’t believe me when I insisted no.

After I convinced him of my lack of memory, he then tried to get me to see a doctor about the cut on my arm which I probably got from all the glass from the broken mirror. Finally I demanded he tell me what had happened in my home.

He told me a bunch of stuff about a robbery, and how he had arrived at the scene just in time to scare the perp away, saving my life, but I couldn’t focus on that. All I could think about was the first part of his story. The robber had killed both my parents.

I don’t even know how she got home, but when the cop left I turned to find Lizzie ready to console me in her arms. See, I’m supposed to be the big sister here, and yet already she’s the one in charge.  I don’t know what’s going to happen to us.

I realize now that Elizabeth was only pretending to be strong for my benefit, and was as broken up about our loss as I was, if not more.

Lizardbreath didn’t sleep in her own bed that night.

That night, I dreamt in bits and pieces.

The dreams were all foggy and made no sense. I don’t really remember what they were about, but I woke up chilled and nauseated.

I was woken up the next morning by the door bell.

“I’m sorry to wake you, miss, but I’m Vladimir Schlick from Child Protection Services. I am here to check up on Elizabeth Young.”

“You are not taking my sister!”

“No, ma’am, this is just standard procedure, I’m here to see if I can offer you any help or counseling services in your time of grief.”

“Well, we don’t need any of your help. As you can see Elizabeth is fine and heading off to school because of their heartless “No Bereavement Leave” policy. If you really want to help, you can take that up with the school board.”

He apologized for bothering me, grinned a suspiciously toothy grin, then hastily left, muttering something about being glad to get out of the sun. I immediately felt bad for being rude to him, he was just doing his job, and was rather attractive…

The world must have been out to get me,  because now I felt like I was coming down with the flu.

I took a bath, hoping to ease my fatigue, and examined the cut on my arm carefully for the first time.  It didn’t look like a glass cut at all, but what else could it be?

I cycled throughout the day between two moods: fits of overwhelming grief…

and complete apathy.

Finally, I gave in and went to bed.

I guess the social worker should have been asking Lizzie about me, instead of the other way around, because for the next few days, she was like a mother to me.

Although my flu left quite the mess in the bathroom, Lizzie cleaned it all up without saying a word.

She even managed to find time to do her homework. Yeah, the teachers were completely on board with the school policy regarding newly minted orphans.

When night came, the dreams came, and they involved the most unusual subjects.

And then the night came when I realized I didn’t have the flu.

In fact, I don’t think I had any of the diseases I’d seen on House, not even Lupus.

I felt like every cell in my body was dying, but yet at the same time I felt stronger than ever before.

When the pain passed, I felt renewed, and all my senses were heightened.

I felt a hunger like I never had before, and headed down to eat breakfast.

I bumped into Lizzie on my way out of my bedroom, and from the look in her eyes, I could tell she didn’t like what she saw.

“I’m OK, Lizzie, I don’t feel sick anymore.”

“But, look at your eyes! And you have FANGS!”

I bared my teeth and realized it was true. I WAS A MONSTER!

I also realized to my horror that I had a strong desire to sink my new fangs into Lizzie’s clean, white throat. So I ran.

As I ran out the front door of the house, I bumped into a strange dark figure on the lawn.  It took me a moment to realize it was the social worker, but he was no longer wearing his nerdy suit. I was extremely drawn to him. I immediately felt calmer in his presence, and he asked to be invited in. Which I did, without even thinking.

“I know what you are, and I’m here to help.”

He explained to me that when he came earlier he could tell that I had been bitten and was about to transform into a vampire. A vampire. Like, with the bats, and stakes, and holy water and all that. I told him I didn’t read those Twilight books, so if he was wanting to get laid he was wasting his time.

Obviously, he wasn’t a fan of Stephenie Meyer either. With a sigh, he explained that he was really a vampire, and was offering to be my mentor.

He also explained to my relief that we weren’t all monsters, and showed me a fruit to quench my thirst, the plasma fruit.

I was so relieved to find out what was wrong, and to have someone there to help me, that before I knew it I was in his arms.

I gazed into his eyes, thanking him for all his help, when…

With my new heightened senses, his kiss was like none I have ever had before. I was falling, and falling hard.

Before I knew it, I was doing things with him I had never done with any other man.

I just hoped that Lizzie didn’t come in.

I reluctantly prepared to have my first bite of the bloody fruit… and it was AMAZING!

Thanks to the plasma fruit, I was able to behave like a normal human being around my sister. That evening while she was doing her homework, I was able to explain my condition.

It wasn’t long after that that I realized I had another condition to explain.

I told Lizzie that she was about to become an aunt.

Lizzie found this news much more happy than the vampire news.

I was about to tell Vlad about the news when I overheard him say the most shocking thing:

“Look, the stupid bitch has no clue I killed them, so how long do you expect me to babysit her?”

It all came back in a flash.

“YOU KILLED MY PARENTS! YOU ARE A MONSTER! AND YOU MADE ME ONE TOO!”

“Yes, it was me, and I did what I was told. Your father was meddling in things better left alone. He was trying to prove our existence to the world. And now that you’re one of us, you’ll keep our secret, or the humans will destroy you.”

“I’m leaving you now to your pathetic existence, and you remember what I said. Just remember, We’re watching, and if you cross us, we know where to find you. And your sister.”

For the next several months, I kept a low profile. I was scared Vlad’s words were true. Maybe people would kill me if they knew what I was. And even if they didn’t, the vampires would kill me for not keeping their secret. And even if I didn’t care what happened to me, what about Lizzie?

Finally, the big day came.

Lizzie was at school, and I assumed they also had a “No getting out to see your sister have a baby” policy as well, so I headed to Bridgeport General alone.

I named him Anthony Young, because Anthony was my father’s middle name.

As soon as I left the hospital my cell rang. “Ms. Young? This is Mr. V. You know who I represent. We know you have had a child of our kind. We have taken your sister. You will follow our instructions, else you will have a sister no longer.”

I ran home, worried what I would find.

After searching the whole house and calling all her friends, I realized my fears had come true. They had Lizzie.

“I’ll do whatever you want. Just please don’t hurt my sister.”